Top Ten Friday the 13th Films in Order of Awesomeness

After hearing about the remake (or is it another re-imaging?) of the original Friday the 13th I thought I'd take a look at the ten films in the series and create a top ten list. I recently had my own little marathon of the Friday the 13th films so I thought it prudent to share my opinion, whether you care or not. If you're reading this you must care a little...

10. Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

This film was a steaming pile of crap and all but killed the series. By this far in the budgets had shrunk considerably so the idea of shooting the film in Manhattan should have been tossed out the window entirely. When you get to the film though, it appears that is true and they just forgot to change the title.

This film came out in 1989 so I didn't see it until a few years later (when I was maybe ten) and my impression of New York was thus: one main road filled with gangs with boom boxes and a large number of weird back alleys. That was Manhattan. Alleyway after alleyway after alleyway. This film could have been "Jason Takes a Crap" and nobody would have really noticed a difference. That's why this film comes in dead last... what could have been a masterpiece of Jason stalking from office to office in a high rise building became a sewer filled with toxic waste. Literally. They do that every night at midnight in Manhattan, so look out! It turns you into a child. I swear.

One final thought... boxing Jason? Yeah, that's a decapitation.

9. Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

It's Firestarter without the fire or Drew Barrymore. Years (somehow) after Tommy Jarvis took care of Jason once and for all (again) a young girl releases Jason from his underwater tomb with her telekinetic powers to wreak havoc on more teenagers. And her mom. And a doctor of some sort... that lives there. I think he's doing the mom too.

Alright.

I know Jason is a supernatural mongoloid but when the dead teenagers start showing powers as well you know things are taking a turn for the worse. You just know a character is going to make it to the end of a horror movie when they can move crap with their mind. It kind of takes the fun out of guessing who was going to make it. The only question that remained was how high the body count would go before she managed to put him back! I don't remember how many nor do I care to. All I know is that somehow her dead father was hanging out at the bottom of the lake in order to save her when the time was right. That must be the lake where they pump the Manhattan toxic waste because all sorts of crazy crap happens down there. Also, what was the dad going to do with Jason once they're down there? Have tea?

Before anyone complains, I know this is a lot of people's favorite in the series. To those of you who think this: shut up. This is my list. Go use your telekinetic powers to win at bowling.

8. Jason X

I couldn't put this film below parts VII and VIII simply because you knew what you were getting into when you went to see it. Only the die hards of the series actually went to see this in the theater, believe me, my friend and I were the only ones there opening night, but we were pleasantly surprised.

Giving the series an odd turn and taking place a ways into the future Jason has the new found opportunity of killing teenagers in space. In the future, it seems, earth is a wasteland that only class trips go to explore, bringing back whatever junk they can find, which in this case includes Jason and the chick that cryogenicly froze him, accidentally freezing herself in the process. The cast also includes a bunch of random people, a kick ass virtual reality simulator and of course, a hot android chick. What's not to love? If anything, I think they should develop a simulator of that caliber for home use, my vacations would be much cheaper if anything. And sexier. In fact, I'd probably never leave and starve to death eating virtual food, but I digress. Jason also turns into a cybernetic monster, yadda yadda, crash lands on Earth 2. Whatever.

This movie may be corny but it's fun and has managed to earn a place in my heart. And pants.

7. Friday the 13th Part 3 in 3-D

While not altogether a terrible movie it really loses something with the ability to see it in the theater in 3-D. It is very apparent that Steve Miner completely ignored all aspects of this film in order to concentrate on the 3-D aspects. The acting is wooden with the characters alternately yelling or whispering for no good reason and doing activities merely to show off the 3-D.

I don't know about you guys, but I love having juggling endurance competitions. This was the film where Jason picked up his iconic hockey mask, and there was the hot Spanish girl that gets it in the eye (not in the way we were all hoping) so maybe it isn't that terrible, but it was definitely lacking compared to the other films. If they spent a little less on the 3-D and more on the casting I think the film would have come off better, but hey, can't win them all and this of course lead the way for the greatness that was The Final Chapter.

One last thing though, those two white trashers in the beginning are fantastic. Kind of surreal. And what the hell was up with those bikers? That was the most racially diverse group of bikers I've ever seen! Moving on...

6. Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

Tommy Jarvis is back again, haunted by the memories of his past. No, not the memories from part V, the ones from part IV. Very rarely do you see a horror movie character make it to a second film and survive let alone make it to a third. Props to Tommy Jarvis for that, but honestly, he should have moved to France by now. Better safe than sorry.

Unfortunately sorry is what Tommy Jarvis becomes (mm.. foreshadowing) as he manages to pull a Dr. Frankenstein on Jason's corpse causing the masked murderer to become stronger and more dangerous than ever. Two lingering questions though: Who took the time to find a cemetery for Jason and Who paid for the tombstone? I would think that an unmarked grave, or cremation for that matter, would handily eliminate the possibility of reanimation.

Too late now I suppose. Tommy is on the run and the only one that will believe him that Jason has returned is the sheriff's spunky daughter Megan. In all honesty, I kind of lost respect for Tommy in this film. In parts IV and V the trouble comes to him, this time though, it's all his fault. Kind of like Nancy from A Nightmare on Elm Street. She made it away from Freddy once so she becomes a dream psychologist. Come on. She should have gone into construction or ran a late night call in show. Something away from dreams. Away. If Tommy and Nancy got together, well, that would be a recipe for disaster. Or Freddy vs. Jason.

5. Friday the 13th Part II

This followup to the original was a little shaky at best. It had its moments such as the head in the fridge, the old sweater trick and the introduction of Jason in all his burlap sacked goodness but it was just... shaky. It was director Steve Miner's first film in charge so I'll cut him a little slack. The problem is that it's essentially the exact same story with almost the exact same ending as the first film. I know they set out to repeat success with a slightly bigger budget but there could have been a little more to it. Just... something.

The film is not bad or anything, it just could have been a lot more. The deaths were fairly close to the original, the ending was fairly close... it was just more of the same. The only thing really memorable about this film was the machete in the face ride down the stairs in the wheelchair. Yikes.

My only real gripe with the movie is the "five years ago..." story from the beginning. It didn't seem like five years passed since the original. Also, wouldn't that set Part V somewhere around 2000? Very strange doings at that Crystal Lake Forest Green.

4. Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday

After the abortion that was Jason Takes Manhattan Paramount decided to pull the plug and sold the rights to New Line Cinema. With a smaller budget than part VIII this film manages to completely surpass a number of previous Friday the 13th films. The film quality even looked better overall, and the effects much grittier than before, all in all a vast improvement.

Story wise the film is a little out there, what with the evil worm that makes Jason what he is and the heart eating/jumping bodies/unknown sister/etc. so it kind of takes a turn for the Curse of Michael Myers land. Still though, it's an entertaining film with a decent cast and it deserves a spot in the final four. The Freddy glove at the end of the film as a nice touch as well.

My only question is why they didn't think to blow up Jason's body earlier, I mean, for all the times that guy got whacked with a machete no one really went for the neck. Ah well. Live and learn. Plus Sean Cunningham came back to produce, mainly because he hadn't had a hit since the original Friday the 13th.

3. Friday the 13th

The granddaddy of them all, the original Friday the 13th. Shot on a minuscule budget at a small camp in New Jersey this film helped to push the slasher genre into the mainstream. In terms of successful slasher films, only Halloween preceded it, and while that was a masterpiece in and of itself, Friday the 13th took it just that much farther. Using the genius of Tom Savini this film had gruesome deaths and plenty of gore. There were no cut away deaths in this film and every minute they could show was shown.

The story itself was pretty straight forward... one by one the counselors were killed off until only one remained. What tossed things up a bit besides the aforementioned gore was the casting of Betsey Palmer as Mrs. Voorhees. Talk about a surprise. It's not very often that you find a female killer, especially one as bat shit crazy as Mrs. V. All in all, a good film that helped to launch a thousand slasher knockoffs and the 80's horror craze.

Plus, this movie helped to further the career of Kevin Bacon (who prior to this was only in Animal House). I mean come on, how often does a film single handedly launch a genre whose sole purpose was to one up all prior films in terms of shock and gore? Not very often, that's how often.

2. Friday the 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter

Crispin Glover, Corey Feldman, a MILF and topless twins. What more could you ask for out of a movie? The Final Chapter really went for broke in what they thought was going to be the final outing of Jason Voorhees. Tom Savini even returned to put the character he helped create to rest. The acting is great, the cast is phenomenal (as far as horror movies go), the special effects are fantastic and this is an all around great movie.

I especially like the fact that this film picks up immediately after the last film left off, complete with Jason still dead in the barn. His coming back to life in the hospital was very well done and so was that odd exercise porn the guy was watching on television. The film introduces some great characters that were well developed with smooth dialogue and then proceeds to quickly kill them all off. Perfect.

There is of course one film left, and by process of elimination I'm sure you've figured out what it is by now. I know not many people are going to agree with me, but trust me, I have a strong argument.

1. Friday the 13th: A New Beginning

I know, you don't agree with me. Hear me out though, you made it this far. Taking place some years after The Final Chapter the story opens with Tommy Jarvis reflecting on that fateful night he wore a bald cap and chopped up a crazy guy. Apparently this takes place many years later (and in addition to the "five years later" of Part II this should be around the year 2000) as Tommy is all grown up. Since nobody else wants to deal with Tommy he is now a part of a halfway house that runs on the honor system, filled with other troubled people as they try to band together to show that they can have fulfilling lives and carry on meaningful tasks.

Dominick Brascia plays Joey. A character that both enjoys chocolate and is really very good at laundry and chopping wood. This is him:

What's not to love? Look at that face.

So anyway, shortly after Tommy arrives Joey crosses paths with Vick, whom upon learning that Joey is really very good at chopping wood proceeds to chop up Joey. It's fantastically unnecessary. The paramedics take poor Joey's carcass away and the police take Vick away. Then the trouble starts.

A mysterious killer, whom Tommy believes is Jason Vorhees, begins to pick people off from the halfway house as well as the surrounding area. Lots of people die, Tommy catches Jason and pushes him onto some spikes and it turns out to be Roy the paramedic, upset that Vick killed his son Joey. Surprise!

Okay, the plot sucks. BUT! Every single character in this movie is not a person but a caricature of how people like them should act. There's Junior, the motorcycle riding, donut making white trash buffoon that tries to cause trouble for the halfway house. His mother, even more white trash, even goes so far as to spit in his dinner when he makes her mad. Come on! These are fantastic characters.

There's Debi Sue Vorhees playing Tina, sporting the best set of breasts in any Friday the 13th movie... or just about any horror movie. Be sure to check her out her sex scene with Two Pump Pete (or whatever his name was). It may be short, but dammit, it's worth it. The scene I mean, I don't know about Pete. And during her post-coital glow... hedge clippers to the face. Now that's classic. Click here for NSFW pic (pops)

There's Miguel Nunez playing Demon. A half-black, half-Spanish guy (well, whatever he is) playing a metal head... in 1985. Wow. He's kind of sweet to his younger brother, sweet to his girlfriend and just an all around swell metal head. He even sings to his girl while he's in an outhouse. You know, since he lives in a van down by the river. His best line? "Damn enchiladas." Wow. In addition to this role, Miguel Nunez also played a similar character in Return of the Living Dead, who even makes it to the very end.

There's even an 80's sort of goth girl, the loser guy trying to score only to die, a little black kid that saves the day and presumably makes sweet love to an adult white woman later on... I mean everything.

This movie has rightfully earned its place as the top Friday the 13th film and that's not changing anytime soon.

-Michael

Rob Zombie's Halloween

Rob Zombie's remake of the 1978 classic "Halloween" is a scant four days away so I began to ask myself, when is a remake really worth it?

Lately, Hollywood seems to have run out of ideas, remaking perfect good movies with reckless abandon, and hoping that nobody notices. I'm not talking about "Americanized" movies, that's an entirely different discussion (see: The Ring, 12 Monkeys, Vanilla Sky, True Lies), I'm talking about movies that are already in English. It sometimes seems as though if things are recycled every thirty years, nobody notices. I'm talking about The Longest Yard, The Haunting, The Stepford Wives, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Vanishing, Psycho... on and on and on. All of these remade from classics! When there is nothing at all wrong with an original, does the desire for cold, hard cash outweigh common sense? Well, in short, yes.

There are a few remakes that are decent, they aren't terrible but they aren't exactly groundbreaking. The remake of Gone in Sixty Seconds comes to mind... it put in Angelina Jolie and Nicolas Cage... but it completely got rid of the campy 70's feel! Some remakes lose sight of what made the originals really worth it: campy feeling. Tobe Hooper's original Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a prime example of this. There was a tight budget, nobody actors and a bucket of cow guts. That was the movie. It was so campy, so surreal that it was instantly a masterpiece of the horror world. The remake has Gunnery Sergeant Hartman and the one chick from 7th Heaven that's really hot. I know it's Jessica Biel, but that's the problem... I know who she is. I even read today that they're remaking The Day the Earth Stood Still with Keanu Reeves. Why, why, why?

Back to the original question of "why remakes?" There are two reasons I can think of to make a remake from something considered a classic: bigger budget and "better' special effects. A remake, if you think about it, has a built in audience. There are a certain amount of people out there that have this particular movie as their favorite movie. They're going to come see your remake no matter what... and probably hate it. The remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre cost $10 million (US) to make... the original? $82,000 (US). Twelve times the budget, one twelfth the fun. Sure, the special effects were nifty, I love R. Lee Emory and all, but it just didn't quite fit together (yes I'm aware it made a crapload of money). It lacked schlock! And don't even get me started on the remake of Psycho. And that new take on Dune. Bleah.

So we know what makes a remake fail... but what makes a remake work? Different interpretation of the source material. Look at the remake of Dawn of the Dead. The original is one of my favorite movies... a critique on consumerism, materialism and the hive mentality of America. Oh yeah, and freakin' zombies eating people's faces off. More so the zombies, but the other stuff is there. Zack Snyder took a classic threat, the slow, shambling zombie and spiced them up: they ran. So now something that wanted to bite your face off could give Carl Lewis a run for his money (pun intended). He also switched the story around a bit, added some characters, strengthened up the female lead, added some nudity, the bus from hell and a bimbo with a dog. Very nice. It was different enough from the original to stand on its own, it didn't insult the original fanbase and was an enjoyable film.

Moving back in the direction of this entry's title, let's take a look first at Rob Zombie's previous films, starting with House of 1000 Corpses. The film immediately reminded me of most of the 70's B horror films. Kind of campy, kind of weird, lots of fun. It is quite apparent that it was a sort of remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre... but... different. It has the "fish out of water" foursome, the creepy house and a cracked out family that perpetrates the whole mess. Pepper in a sheriff on a mission (Dennis Hopper from Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 come to mind), a dad looking for his daughter and a whole mess of Captain Spaulding and you have one hodge-podge of insanity. Even so: it works. It may have reminiscent elements of those movies but it stands very strongly on its own. Rob Zombie has stated his love for the 70's horror films and it shows in this film. It had everything I wanted to see in it... though I would have liked some more Dr. Satan scenes... what a twisted concept. A remake in a way, but more so an homage... and it worked by putting his own demented twists on the genre conventions. The Devil's Rejects was also awesome, but let's get moving towards Halloween.

This time as opposed to an homage, Rob Zombie is making a remake. The original Halloween was a horror masterpiece, combining elements of suspense, terror and jumpy scares. Overall a very fun movie with nothing wrong with it (aside from the trees being awfully green of Halloween). Zombie has some big shoes to fill for this film. So rather than trying to rehash the same material and end of disappointing fans, what does he do? He reinvents the material.

A good move on his part. From what I've gathered from interviews, this film will be a re-imaging of the Michael Myers character. It will fill in the gaps of what was missing in the fifteen years that Myers was in the institution, the story will be its own. Rob Zombie even went so far as to contact John Carpenter to ask if it was okay for him to remake the film, and Carpenter's reply was for him to "make it his own," and thankfully it sounds as if Zombie has done just that.

If this were a straight remake it would have no reason to exist aside from the conventions that modern movie making methods would convey... aside from that it would be another forgotten remake, echoing questions of "why" in posts such as this. But to see a different aspect of things... to have things answered that the previous film left open... that will draw in even the diehards such as myself. This is all speculation of course being that I haven't seen the film yet, but I have a good feeling about it. Rob Zombie cares about the material and isn't in it to make a buck but rather for the artistic merit of it all. Kind of cliche sounding, I know, but I'm just hoping for the best for Friday. See you at the movies!

-Michael

Cenobites: Friend, Foe or Other?

Recently I got into watching the Hellraiser series of movies. I've gotten up to Hellraiser: Bloodlines when I noticed that the entire dynamic of the movies had changed and they had generated into standard horror schlock.

The opening scene has a man with the dirtiest fingernails on the planet buying a small puzzle box in what looks like the Middle East. Cut to clean fingernails and that man is sitting surrounded by candles trying to open said puzzle box. When he finally does so chains fly out, ripping apart his flesh. Then the Cenobites come. They're hideously deformed in unique ways and after completely ripping the man apart, one with pins sticking out of his head picks up the box and closes it, leaving the room as if nothing had happened.

Shortly thereafter a man and a very… handsome woman come to the house and decide to move in. Larry and his wife Julia look around the place and Larry comments that Frank, the guy that was ripped apart, probably used it as a hideout for awhile and then took off for parts unknown. I don’t want to provide an extended synopsis for the film, but suffice to say, some spilled blood brings Frank back to life but Frank has to feed off of blood to regenerate his body. He enlists the help of Julia, who is madly in lust with Frank after they had a tryst shortly before her wedding to Larry so she lures men back to the house for him to feed.

Kirsty, Larry’s daughter stumbles on Frank feeding one day, freaks out, takes the puzzle box and ends up in the hospital. There she opens the box, almost gets ripped apart, goes back to help her father, finds out Frank has stolen his skin, so on and so forth. You know, a typical Thursday.

Anyway, the first Hellraiser is, to me at least, an almost perfect horror film. The protagonists, Kirsty and Julia, were weak and had to be pushed and coerced into having any action. The antagonist, Frank, was egomaniacally delicious. This is how it should be in any horror film... the stronger the antagonist the more they eventually bring out in the protagonist.

In the case of Hellraiser, Kirsty learned to be strong and fight back when she had to, to protect the ones she loved. Julia on the other hand learned that blind trust doesn't always work and succumbing to lust isn't the best way to drive your motivations. Frank does not change and that's what makes him powerful. He knows what he wants, how he wants it and he'll do whatever he can to make it so. There is something, however, that Frank fears: The Cenobites.

Now who are the Cenobites exactly?

In the film, they are the agents of hell. Their task is to show those who open the box that pain is indistinguishable from pleasure before ripping them apart and taking them to hell. The thing that is different about them than other supernatural villains is that they only come to those who open the box. They aren’t out to get anyone in particular, they don’t kill at random and they have the power to reason. This is a far cry from say, Jason Voorhees, who kills anyone that moseys by Crystal Lake.

Frank opened the box so they took care of Frank. Fair enough. Kirsty, after stealing the box from Frank, works it open and the Cenobites appear. Kirsty had no idea it would summon creatures such as that, but the lead Cenobite (later named Pinhead) told her flat out, “You opened the box, we came.” Luckily though, Kirsty was able to strike a deal with them that she would show them to Frank in exchange for them sparing her, and they accepted.

Unfortunately for Kirsty, Frank had stolen her father’s skin and tricked her into thinking that the pile of the guts on the floor were the remains of Frank, not Larry. When the Cenobites came to collect they asked for, “the man who did this” and Kirsty, thinking she had to protect her father, reneged on the deal. This is where things went wrong for poor Kirsty Cotton.

Had she known that it was Frank and not her father, she would have been done with the deal and left alone, but unfortunately the Cenobites don’t like deal breakers so naturally after they took care of Frank they had to take care of Kirsty. As much as I would have liked to see her with her skull ripped she was able to get the box and send the Cenobites back to hell with Frank and Julia in tow.

Flash forward to Hellraiser 2: Hellbound. Kirsty is in a mental hospital trying to explain what happened when Dr. Channard, obsessed with the puzzle box unwittingly releases Julia from hell. Julia and Dr. Channard then have a girl obsessed with puzzles work open the box for them (I assume Julia explained the whole chain ripping incident with Frank) from a safe distance. Kirsty shows up just as the box is being opened so… that’s how that goes. When the Cenobites arrive they are about to maim poor puzzle girl with Pinhead tells them, “It is not hands that summon us, it is desire” and so puzzle girl is left alone… for now.

As far as agents from hell go, they seem to be pretty bound by a set of rules, and that is something one has to appreciate. If the Cenobites just killed at random the movie wouldn’t be as interesting, nor the characters as intriguing. They only come to those seeking them and that, to me, is a fantastic addition to the films. The Cenobites are sought as friends by hedonists, feared as foes once they appear, but they fall decidedly into the other category. If you didn’t open the box, you’re in the clear, but once you find them… you’re in for it.

Unfortunately the other Hellraiser movies kind of toss this concept out the window, and I don’t know what the hell was going on in Bloodlines. Well, I know WHAT was happening… I just didn’t care. So if you haven’t seen the Hellraiser movies they’re worth checking out… and if you’re really weird you can buy a puzzle box off of Amazon. Click here to see. Don't say you weren't warned.

The Top 9.5 Homonym Screwups I Hate (in no particular order) or Homonyms Are Not Your Friend: How I Learned to Stop Sounding Like an Idiot

Lately while reading various message boards, websites, blogs, e-mails, news articles and whatever else I've noticed that people have completely forgotten about homonyms. What is a homonym you may ask?

Homonym (n.) - A word the same as another in sound but different in spelling and meaning

Simple enough, know? Their are a lot of these peppered throughout the English language and while speaking ewe may be able to pull it off, when using the written medium mistakes are pretty apparent. Since it seems that with text messaging, e-mails and other devices we're knot going two have too talk two each other at all in a few years you'd think that we'd place a high priority on making sure we right as clearly as possible. This, unfortunately, is knot the case.

Eye can say from firsthand experience that homonyms are completely ignored in schools these days. Eye believe there is a brief mention of them in second grade and then for the other ten years children are allowed to slide. Go look at a myspace/facebook page and see how many mistakes ewe can spot, it's appalling. What's more appalling though is people that should no better, namely reporters for newspapers and so called "professionals" blunder into the same sort of mistakes... then it becomes common usage! Common usage does not make something correct, it just makes more and more people sound uneducated to those that no better.


Anyway, instead of sitting here spouting how people should take the time to learn how to right and all that bitching and moaning I thought I'd go the extra mile and point out a few of the most common mistakes. This list is all from personal experience in the last couple of days so it is by know means complete, but bye golly, its a step in the right direction.

1. Loose/Lose - I've already covered this in great detail in my screenwriting blog, you can read it HERE

2. Right/Write - People have lately been interchanging the two, presumably while they write. I hope I don't have to explain the meaning of the words, so instead I'll try to help you remember the difference. Using an "R" may be right but it won't help you when you try to write. There, that's kind of clever. Sort of. I mean, it's easy to write one of those that makes sense on paper, but I'm going for more of the "say out loud" route, because what the hell would it matter if you don't know the difference anyway. There is also "rite" meaning a ritual or ceremony, but honestly no one I know says anything like that unless they're describing something having to do with voodoo, so we'll just leave that one out. Moving on...

Remember: Using an "R" may be right but it won't help you write!

3. Accept/Except - I think the problems with these two is that people don't know the difference. Accept is to receive, except means other than (a contrary). This is an easy one to do out loud and it provides clarification of meaning as well. I would sleep with my ex again except they had a sex change. By clearing up half of the problem the rest should fall into place, ex... except... things are falling into place. When except doesn't make sense, use accept! I accept your exception! Also, you could still sleep with your ex, though it'd be way different. But if you're a woman... and you were dating a really feminine man... and uh... they had a lot of money for plastic surgery... and then uh... well never mind. Forget I said anything.

Remember: I would sleep with my ex again except they had a sex change

4. Affect/Effect - A lot of people have trouble with this one. To affect is to have an influence on whereas effect is the result. You can affect the effects but not the other way around. The best way to remember this one is to use another word that it's kind of hard to screw the spelling up for. "My affliction is affecting my effects." Affliction being a problem (disease... on fire... you know) that can affect the things you do, your effects. The "aff" sound in affliction will be your giveaway. Can't make it much clearer than that.

Remember: My affliction is affecting my effects.

5. Illicit/Elicit - This one doesn't come up very often but when it does, it's generally screwed up. I think the main problem is that people don't know that the word elicit exists so they just throw illicit in its place. Illicit means illegal, that's easy enough to remember, elicit means to bring about, or make happen. Something illicit can elicit something, but not the other way around. "The illicit eclair elicited my gut." I think that the e of eclair will help one to remember the e of elicit. In this case it may just be easier to use a few more words and say "That eclair I stole made me fat" ... but it's your prerogative.

Remember: The illicit eclair elicited my gut

6. Hole/Whole - This is another one that people seem to forget that you can throw a silent "w" in front of hole and make it mean something completely different. Hole seems to be used exclusively so it's about time that was fixed. The easiest way to remember this is "You can have a whole hole but not half a hole" but that doesn't help if we're going the say-out-loud route. So, "The whole whale had a hole in his blowhole." Whale helping to remember that sneaky "w" and blowhole for hole. Easy as that. Though it is stupid. I, for one, wouldn't want half a whale.

Remember: The whole whale had a hole in his blowhole.

7. No/Know - I chalk this problem up to extreme laziness. The simple reply of "i no" is just easier to type out so I won't really hold this against too many people. I'm lazy too, dammit. Therefore I'm going to come up with a half-assed way to remember this that won't help anyway. "The knight knows." If you don't know there's a "k" on knight then you're screwed. Ha-ha.

Remember: The knights knows (in theory)

8. Piece/Peace - This is another one that seems to slip through the cracks. It's clear what the differences between the words are, it's just a matter of when to use what. "You can have a piece of pie when there is peace." Simple and straightforward, pie/piece is easy enough to remember and you can't have a peace of pie. So, you better get working on that global community thing if you want some pie.

Remember: You can have a piece of pie when there is peace

9. It's/Its - An apostrophe is used when something is possessive, which is what causes the problem here... people forget that it also denotes a contraction. A contraction is the mashing together of two words for no apparent reason, in this case it's means it is. Its is the possessive term, just like hers and his. "It apostrophe s means it is." There's really no way of making that much clearer than that, so good luck.

Remember: It apostrophe s means it is.

10. Principal/Principle - Ahh screw it. Just remember the other ones and you'll be better. Go learn something your damn self! It's a matter of principle! People expecting me to do all the work for you... buncha *mumble* *mumble*

-Michael

Diary of the Dead

The master of all things zombie George A. Romero is coming out with a new movie! Yay! This picture is of the cast from his upcoming movie Diary of the Dead (I pilfered it from Firstlook.net) and I must say the premise sounds promising.

A group of young filmmakers are out filming their own B-horror film when they come across some zombies, havoc ensues.

What I like about this premise is that it's not a continuation of Land of the Dead but goes back to the time frame of the original Night of the Living Dead. Here's the fun thing, in my opinion, about zombie films. Everyone is experiencing the same thing only in their own individual way. There are a million stories that can be visited from the very first night of the zombie apocalypse, and this is one of them.

I'd like to see more films with this premise, you could take anyone in any position and throw them into the mix with the unstoppable multitude of the zombie hoard. Zombies, individually, are not scary, but if you run into a couple hundred of them, there's only so much you can do. This is why I love the genre. Supernatural killers such as Freddy and Jason can only do so much, but with an ever expanding amount of zombies to deal with the tide always goes in their favor.

I'm also glad this isn't going past the ill-conceived Land of the Dead. I don't really care for the idea of zombie retaining their humanity and learning to do things, "evolving" in a sense (I used the "" since evolution is of course something that takes place over many generations by bringing out favorable traits that benefit an organism but since zombies aren't exactly reproducing (except for Braindead but that's something different as well) but for the sake of argument...). Using weapons was a little over the top. I like my zombies the way I like my pets: mindless killing machines.

So, we shall see what happens. This movie is slated to premier at the Toronto Film Festival and unfortunately it has not set release yet, but when it does, I'll be there. With bells on. And brraaiinnnssss (that's from Return of the Living Dead, people have the idea that the phrase originated from a zombie movie, which it did, but not a traditional zombie canon film. These zombies can run, talk, use equipment, etc. and in that film world, Night of the Living Dead was a movie that was based off an incident that happened in their world which was altered as to cover up the truth!)... more updates to come. In theory.

-Michael